If stupidity were a crime half the world would be felons.

What in the world are people thinking?

Okay. This week in New Zealand, a family court judge gave a child a new lease on life when he changed her name from, get this,

“Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii”

Yes, this was that poor child’s given name. I don’t know what the surname is to go along with that forename but there is absolutely no name that can make that right. What were those parents thinking?

I can only think of a couple of reasons why a parent would name their child something so ridiculous. The first involves a pitcher of Margaritas and a bad morning on Waikiki Beach. Another involves heavy-duty drugs and doing time in South American prison. I have also thought it is possible that they just plain hated the child and that a shotgun marriage came into play in that particular relationship.

However, what I really think is, the parents were just, plain, good old-fashioned, STUPID! You know, their elevators don’t go all the way to the top floor? A few eggs short of a dozen? You know what I mean.

So are there consequences for being soooo stupid? Apparently, in New Zealand at least, a hopefully competent Judge stepped in and changed the poor girl’s name. But what about those parents? Anything in the way of punishment there? I know that the Judge only discovered the name of the girl during a custody hearing so hopefully this particular couple will not be reproducing any longer but what can be done to fend off this type of behavior in the future?

When we are children, our parents attempt to save us from ourselves by a quick smack in the butt and with a diaper, the padding takes most of the blow. Stick your tongue near a light socket, bam! Run towards the busy street, bam! There are consequences for doing stupid stuff as a child and we can only hope we learn the lessons early on and stop doing “real” stupid stuff. We will still do stupid stuff as adults of course, get involved with the wrong partner from time to time, buy a crappy car because it’s cool but hopefully these small incidents of losing our minds pass and common sense prevails at some point. But what about the adults who are out there that never learned the lessons of childhood and still do “really stupid stuff?”

A friend of mine who also happened to be an Assistant District Attorney, believed in the cattle prod approach when it came to 20-year-old men dating 15-year-old girls. Show the guy a picture of a young girl, zap him with the cattle prod and say in a clear and authoritive voice, “NO!” and that should do it. No matter how dumb he is, he should get the message! Now, of course this age difference is a crime in many states but you hate to ruin some guy’s life because he didn’t know any better and believe me when it comes to underage dating, a lot of guys don’t know better. Not to mention that most 15-year-old girls will lie about their age to be able to date an older guy with a car, “Oh, yes, I am eighteen.” If I had a dime for every time I muttered those words (see paragraph above). So you have crime and you have punishment for those times when stupidity goes to the next level. But what about when the stupidity doesn’t quite go that far?

My husband often says “the stupid will be punished” but in the case of the McDonald’s customer who scaled herself on hot coffee and then sued the company, sometimes, the stupid are rewarded with giant lawsuit verdicts. In that case, I wonder about the jury who awarded that money, how bright were they? Every day frivolous lawsuits are filed and every day just as frivolous awards are made. So instead of punishing people for their stupidity they are rewarded? I won’t get on that soapbox today but I know there are plenty of people out there who this type of reward just drives them absolutely crazy, me being one of them.

I for one, happen to like the cattle prod approach. Do something stupid – get zapped and that should do it. Or perhaps inflict on the offender whatever their particular offense is. Name your child something stupid? You get to be called, “Stupid Guy/Woman Who Can’t Even Name A Child Correctly” for the next 18 years or so. Maybe that would help.